Saturday, August 06, 2005
I just love babies
Yesterday I got to babysit for N+J's kids, B, aged 2.5 years, and J, aged 6 weeks. It had been so long since I had babysat a kid that little! That baby was SOOOOOOOO cute, and B was such a good helper. X below is my former housemate (the French one) from my last house.
So like a good dumbass, when B got up from his nap, I tried to get him to eat a snack and then I asked if he wanted to go to the park. We got packed up and went out the door. I thought I should go look for a sweatshirt for him, and realized that I had locked the keys inside! With a 6 week-old nursing baby here in the stroller! I checked that I hadn't put the keys in the diaper bag, and stuck my fingers right into a poopy diaper. Rad. I wiped my fingers in the dirt in a flowerpot, and went on with my day. We just went to the park, since the neighbors in the cohousing community weren't home yet. The baby fell asleep just as we were leaving, and he maybe slept a half an hour. He was very chill for a kid who didn't get to eat for 5 more hours.
After the park, B. went potty at a neighbor's while I tried to pull open the door on the recommendation of the parents (I had locked the top lock, though). S. held the baby and hung with B. Apparently the baby's blanket fell into the poopy toilet. Lovely. Community members looked around for keys to their house, and didn't find one. I held the baby and he took another 10 minute nap, and I changed him for a second time. Oh, he is so cute! B hung out with X and her kid C for the most part.
X took the kids to the store and got formula and those plastic things you can put inside bottles. But there was no bottle in the package (DUH), so she had to go borrow a bottle from a neighbor. The kid dozed off again, till I tried to put him down on her bed. I made the forumla and it was too hot. I gave the kids some peanut butter and bread while X received a phone call that informed her that an ex of hers had committed suicide! She gave the kids some more food, and took them with her to the airport to pick up another community mate. The baby sucked that 4 ounces of formula down really fast (!), and kind of dozed off for a second. He was for them ost part really happy and chill. Right before his mother got back, he got fussy, and I realized that it was because he had been looking at the same thing for 5 or 10 minutes! I had forgotten how little babies get bored so easily.
Anyhow, thank god X was around so we could use her house. I could have walked the kids to the store myself to get the formula, but I think all my money was inside! Gawd.
So the baby was fine, in spite of C having pushed on his chest, sat on his feet, smushed his hand, and whacked his head. It was so depressing, how violent she was. And fussy. She never has napped when I am around her on Friday nights. I just don't get it.
But anyhow, I've still got my touch with the babies.
email me at haydees@gmail.com
So like a good dumbass, when B got up from his nap, I tried to get him to eat a snack and then I asked if he wanted to go to the park. We got packed up and went out the door. I thought I should go look for a sweatshirt for him, and realized that I had locked the keys inside! With a 6 week-old nursing baby here in the stroller! I checked that I hadn't put the keys in the diaper bag, and stuck my fingers right into a poopy diaper. Rad. I wiped my fingers in the dirt in a flowerpot, and went on with my day. We just went to the park, since the neighbors in the cohousing community weren't home yet. The baby fell asleep just as we were leaving, and he maybe slept a half an hour. He was very chill for a kid who didn't get to eat for 5 more hours.
After the park, B. went potty at a neighbor's while I tried to pull open the door on the recommendation of the parents (I had locked the top lock, though). S. held the baby and hung with B. Apparently the baby's blanket fell into the poopy toilet. Lovely. Community members looked around for keys to their house, and didn't find one. I held the baby and he took another 10 minute nap, and I changed him for a second time. Oh, he is so cute! B hung out with X and her kid C for the most part.
X took the kids to the store and got formula and those plastic things you can put inside bottles. But there was no bottle in the package (DUH), so she had to go borrow a bottle from a neighbor. The kid dozed off again, till I tried to put him down on her bed. I made the forumla and it was too hot. I gave the kids some peanut butter and bread while X received a phone call that informed her that an ex of hers had committed suicide! She gave the kids some more food, and took them with her to the airport to pick up another community mate. The baby sucked that 4 ounces of formula down really fast (!), and kind of dozed off for a second. He was for them ost part really happy and chill. Right before his mother got back, he got fussy, and I realized that it was because he had been looking at the same thing for 5 or 10 minutes! I had forgotten how little babies get bored so easily.
Anyhow, thank god X was around so we could use her house. I could have walked the kids to the store myself to get the formula, but I think all my money was inside! Gawd.
So the baby was fine, in spite of C having pushed on his chest, sat on his feet, smushed his hand, and whacked his head. It was so depressing, how violent she was. And fussy. She never has napped when I am around her on Friday nights. I just don't get it.
But anyhow, I've still got my touch with the babies.
email me at haydees@gmail.com
Friday, August 05, 2005
Relationship troubles
Hunnybunch is getting worn out. He thinks I've been angrier the last couple of weeks (I don't think this is the case). An example is one time recently when we were out to eat (were we out with D. or someone?). This guy at another table was talking REALLY loud, and I was like, wtf! If he were a woman, everyone would be staring. Women aren't "allowed" to talk loudly in inappropriate situations. You know? He doesn't get it.
Anyhow, I am fucking angry. Everything sucks. Every time I step foot into a store, all the money I made that day disappears. For normal people that's not the worst thing, but what if you only work 3 days a week? Then, you're fucked! So I'm always freaking out about money, and my clients are moving away, and I tend to have various doctor's appointments a couple of days a week so I couldn't work everyday even if there were work...
Back to my mental health. At times like tonight, when he is upset because I criticized some work that he did today, he is just unable to deal with me. I'm like, then come to my psychologist appointment! Come to my psychiatrist appointment! Damn. And of course, he's like, I couldn't possibly, I'm too busy. I think it would help so much if he would come and tell people just how bad I really am when I don't have all my out-in-public walls. Or what I am like when the front door is open and the neighbors' fucking toxic chemicals are coming all the way down the hall into my room.
This week my psychologist was talking about some new condition that mental health providers are finding, that is like a collection of symptoms that make the person's condition unidentifiable. It was weird, she was describing CFIDS- what is that, Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome?- which I think is what I have. But what the hell, keep throwing anti-depressants down my throat so I can have 2 hours of being in a good mood everday. Not necessarily linked to having taken the medication.
I was trying to talk to the psychiatrist today about my anxiety and how the medication only takes the worst edge off, but then I have anxiety attacks more often. Just thinking about anxiety gives me an anxiety attack. And she kept saying, "So when you have these panic attacks..." This is just the kind of thing I keep talking about- I feel like she's not listening.
So say me and hunny were to break up. I'd be like out on the street! Or out on the farm with no water or electricity! I don't make enough money to pay my share of the rent anymore. Cleaning supplies are expensive, I always need bike part$$$, my cellphone and food bills are outrageous... I just have to keep my fingers crossed about my social security thing. Damn, if I don't get it I am going to be so fucking devastated.
At least I spent 3 hours at the gym today. That's right, 3!
email me at haydees@gmail.com
Anyhow, I am fucking angry. Everything sucks. Every time I step foot into a store, all the money I made that day disappears. For normal people that's not the worst thing, but what if you only work 3 days a week? Then, you're fucked! So I'm always freaking out about money, and my clients are moving away, and I tend to have various doctor's appointments a couple of days a week so I couldn't work everyday even if there were work...
Back to my mental health. At times like tonight, when he is upset because I criticized some work that he did today, he is just unable to deal with me. I'm like, then come to my psychologist appointment! Come to my psychiatrist appointment! Damn. And of course, he's like, I couldn't possibly, I'm too busy. I think it would help so much if he would come and tell people just how bad I really am when I don't have all my out-in-public walls. Or what I am like when the front door is open and the neighbors' fucking toxic chemicals are coming all the way down the hall into my room.
This week my psychologist was talking about some new condition that mental health providers are finding, that is like a collection of symptoms that make the person's condition unidentifiable. It was weird, she was describing CFIDS- what is that, Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome?- which I think is what I have. But what the hell, keep throwing anti-depressants down my throat so I can have 2 hours of being in a good mood everday. Not necessarily linked to having taken the medication.
I was trying to talk to the psychiatrist today about my anxiety and how the medication only takes the worst edge off, but then I have anxiety attacks more often. Just thinking about anxiety gives me an anxiety attack. And she kept saying, "So when you have these panic attacks..." This is just the kind of thing I keep talking about- I feel like she's not listening.
So say me and hunny were to break up. I'd be like out on the street! Or out on the farm with no water or electricity! I don't make enough money to pay my share of the rent anymore. Cleaning supplies are expensive, I always need bike part$$$, my cellphone and food bills are outrageous... I just have to keep my fingers crossed about my social security thing. Damn, if I don't get it I am going to be so fucking devastated.
At least I spent 3 hours at the gym today. That's right, 3!
email me at haydees@gmail.com
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Did I mention that T. and I are talking again?
Well, we are. He called me to return my emails about speaking at a reportback. He also invited me to visit him at work last week. I went, and we talked for a long time, and then we kind of pecked each other on the lips at the end. In that awkward way when two people aren't used to having their bodies so close together. He was in a good mood that day- I like it when he is in a good mood.
We've been talking for the last 2 days about him coming over to watch some videos with me. Maybe that will happen, maybe it won't. I'm looking forward to us maybe having a bit of quality time together, though.
email me at haydees@gmail.com
We've been talking for the last 2 days about him coming over to watch some videos with me. Maybe that will happen, maybe it won't. I'm looking forward to us maybe having a bit of quality time together, though.
email me at haydees@gmail.com
I am so useless.
I keep remembering more and more things that I didn't do today. Chief among them going to the gym or at least going for a walk.
I did bike to the chiro and to my mental health appt, and I made some compost, but overall that is not a lot of exercise. What sucks about that is that I didn't work today and I have a big day tomorrow (today, now), so it would have been better for me to exercise a lot and then rest...
I bought some seeds today, some purple beans and poppies and pretty peas. I spend so much money!!
email me at haydees@gmail.com
I did bike to the chiro and to my mental health appt, and I made some compost, but overall that is not a lot of exercise. What sucks about that is that I didn't work today and I have a big day tomorrow (today, now), so it would have been better for me to exercise a lot and then rest...
I bought some seeds today, some purple beans and poppies and pretty peas. I spend so much money!!
email me at haydees@gmail.com
