Friday, October 14, 2005
Why me?
Sometimes it feels like everything is crashing down around me. And like I can't do anything right.
My physical therapist yelled at me yesterday. Well, he didn't yell, but he was mad that I haven't been doing my exercises twice a day. Excuse me for living, and occasionally having a life. I mean, I just can't get up early everyday. And if I do, I am all fucked, cuz then I have to take naps and shit cuz I can't go to bed early. Excu-u-u-se me!
Tonight I babysat. We're talking about a 3 year-old girl, a 3 year-old boy, and a 2 3/4 year-old boy. Mk? It was so awful. I have tried to not have all three for a long time now, but they seem to have forgotten that. It's the evening. They're tired. They've just had a community dinner at which they haven't eaten. And then one kid's mom gives them all cookies just before the adults' meeting starts? Hell, no. But she did. At one point the 2 year old whipped it out and peed on the toys on the floor. And then he turned around and started to try to poop on the floor! (I picked him up and brought him to the toilet, where arranged his space with his kids' seat and his footstool, and he made the cutest grunting noises as he pooped!)
So many things were wrong besides the cookie and the no real dinner. The house we were in has a laptop, and she always leaves it where the little girl can get at it. So tonight she pulled it out and put in what I thought was a cd. It turned out to be a DVD, in French, of the fucking Sound of Music. I am so not into how this mom uses DVD's (as a pacifier), never mind this kid having access to them at all times. So the kids fight, even after I adjust them more than once, over seating positions and the angle of the computer and all this other bullshit. So I take it away. Later the girl had pulled it out again and put in another DVD. That is not cool. She also climbed up and got her mom's tuning fork and carried it all over. I had to watch her with this one item, like a hawk, to make sure I could get it back to where it came from.
They took all the toys from the top of her bunk bed and covered her whole bedroom with crap. They also took toys out of a container in the living room and threw them all over the place. One of the kids threw them backwards over his head. What in the hell? So when the older boy's mom came early to get him, she ended up leaving with him without them helping clean up. Piece of shit. She had told the kids she would get some Elmo DVD, which got the girl to help clean up, but she didn't bring it.
Oh, and the youngest kid got pissed off around when the above kid left, and opened the door and ran outside barefoot and ran around screaming and started to climb the stairs up to where his parents were. His dad heard the ruckus and came and got him. That's another thing I would do different- you have boundaries, which include a door to outside that the kid can't always open. Come on!
So when the meeting was over, the girl's mom and the boy's mom came and the girl's mom yelled at me about the mess. I helped minimally when she started helping, cuz I mean, it's the kids' fucking mess, you know? she shouldn't have to deal with it. But then again, there have been messes in other houses that she has not helped to clean up.
I can't believe she fucking yelled at me. She can fucking suck me. I mean, this was the first time in months that she had called me a day in advance to ask me to babysit. She had also called on Monday, three hours before she needed a sitter. Blow me. Think you can get a last-minute babysitter this weekend? Think you can get me to babysit anytime soon without apologizing?
Hell no.
But anyhow, I am left here feeling really awful about myself, about how I am a bad babysitter for spoiled kids (I've known this for 15 years), how I think I forgot to take my medication today, how I totally wasted today, etc. The last two days I had dr's appts, but there was no excuse today for me not taking care of my shit. Tomorrow I have got to accomplish something. I have a list- clean the bathroom, vacuum, maybe clean the kitchen, do stuff in my garden, organize papers, find out if there are slugs living in my room (there are several new slug trails in my room! AGH!), etc. Oh, I am also a bad family member for not going to my uncle's wedding, and a bad friend for not managing to go to my friends' wedding this weekend.
At least I got to hold the baby for a minute tonight.
email me at haydees@gmail.com or don't cuz i suck
My physical therapist yelled at me yesterday. Well, he didn't yell, but he was mad that I haven't been doing my exercises twice a day. Excuse me for living, and occasionally having a life. I mean, I just can't get up early everyday. And if I do, I am all fucked, cuz then I have to take naps and shit cuz I can't go to bed early. Excu-u-u-se me!
Tonight I babysat. We're talking about a 3 year-old girl, a 3 year-old boy, and a 2 3/4 year-old boy. Mk? It was so awful. I have tried to not have all three for a long time now, but they seem to have forgotten that. It's the evening. They're tired. They've just had a community dinner at which they haven't eaten. And then one kid's mom gives them all cookies just before the adults' meeting starts? Hell, no. But she did. At one point the 2 year old whipped it out and peed on the toys on the floor. And then he turned around and started to try to poop on the floor! (I picked him up and brought him to the toilet, where arranged his space with his kids' seat and his footstool, and he made the cutest grunting noises as he pooped!)
So many things were wrong besides the cookie and the no real dinner. The house we were in has a laptop, and she always leaves it where the little girl can get at it. So tonight she pulled it out and put in what I thought was a cd. It turned out to be a DVD, in French, of the fucking Sound of Music. I am so not into how this mom uses DVD's (as a pacifier), never mind this kid having access to them at all times. So the kids fight, even after I adjust them more than once, over seating positions and the angle of the computer and all this other bullshit. So I take it away. Later the girl had pulled it out again and put in another DVD. That is not cool. She also climbed up and got her mom's tuning fork and carried it all over. I had to watch her with this one item, like a hawk, to make sure I could get it back to where it came from.
They took all the toys from the top of her bunk bed and covered her whole bedroom with crap. They also took toys out of a container in the living room and threw them all over the place. One of the kids threw them backwards over his head. What in the hell? So when the older boy's mom came early to get him, she ended up leaving with him without them helping clean up. Piece of shit. She had told the kids she would get some Elmo DVD, which got the girl to help clean up, but she didn't bring it.
Oh, and the youngest kid got pissed off around when the above kid left, and opened the door and ran outside barefoot and ran around screaming and started to climb the stairs up to where his parents were. His dad heard the ruckus and came and got him. That's another thing I would do different- you have boundaries, which include a door to outside that the kid can't always open. Come on!
So when the meeting was over, the girl's mom and the boy's mom came and the girl's mom yelled at me about the mess. I helped minimally when she started helping, cuz I mean, it's the kids' fucking mess, you know? she shouldn't have to deal with it. But then again, there have been messes in other houses that she has not helped to clean up.
I can't believe she fucking yelled at me. She can fucking suck me. I mean, this was the first time in months that she had called me a day in advance to ask me to babysit. She had also called on Monday, three hours before she needed a sitter. Blow me. Think you can get a last-minute babysitter this weekend? Think you can get me to babysit anytime soon without apologizing?
Hell no.
But anyhow, I am left here feeling really awful about myself, about how I am a bad babysitter for spoiled kids (I've known this for 15 years), how I think I forgot to take my medication today, how I totally wasted today, etc. The last two days I had dr's appts, but there was no excuse today for me not taking care of my shit. Tomorrow I have got to accomplish something. I have a list- clean the bathroom, vacuum, maybe clean the kitchen, do stuff in my garden, organize papers, find out if there are slugs living in my room (there are several new slug trails in my room! AGH!), etc. Oh, I am also a bad family member for not going to my uncle's wedding, and a bad friend for not managing to go to my friends' wedding this weekend.
At least I got to hold the baby for a minute tonight.
email me at haydees@gmail.com or don't cuz i suck
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