Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Do I belong in this movement?
Sometimes I wonder if I am a "bad anarchist" or not an anarchist at all. Like, I am on the fringes of the anti-globalization movement, even though I have organized and participated in a lot of demonstrations, several of which I have had to travel to get to. And I still don't have an "affinity group" to run with in the street.
When I got to Seattle, we first had to stop at the convergence space even though it was like midnight on the day after Thanksgiving. I went in there and it was this dark dirty warehouse space filled with puppets and other art shit, and I was like, this is not my space. I hardly spent any time there, didn't go to any trainings, and I think I happened to be there once during a meeting. I didn't even know how to find out about meetings. In fact, I was on a bunch of email lists but somehow I wasn't on the one (if there was one) that involved meeting announcements. Fortunately I was saved because I ran into someone I had organized an anti-glob protest with earlier in the year and he invited me to his cluster's meeting. Gracias a dios, that week in the streets with those freaks was unforgettable in its wonderfulness.
I think I managed to fit in pretty well in Cancun, going to 4+ hour meetings and stuff, except that I couldn't manage to form an affinity group. There was one woman from my town (and from that cluster) who I ran with a few times but she didn't want to go in the black bloc, and I am all about wearing all black in the 100+ degree humid heat. I eventually managed to glom on to this one affinity group, but obviously those people didn't like me, since only one of them (I knew him from years ago) ever bothered to stay remotely in touch with me, and even then, it's been 3 months since he wrote me back, "what city are you in?"
During the Biotech protest in SF this year, almost all of our loose cluster members were conveniently out of town- not important enough to stick around for, I guess. So it was me and T, and you know he was mean to me on my birthday, so I couldn't run with him. He also avoided meetings of the cluster I had thought we would work with, and they turned out to be at best cops, or at worst 20 year-old white anarchist boys with little politics, so I went around in the street by myself. I couldn't make it to most of the big meetings there, anyhow, since I had a "job"to do as part of the mobilization.
But anyhow, is it me, or is it the people I have tactical unity with, that is the reason why I can never find a group to run with? Organizing with my friends is like herding cats sometimes. Even when they left for New York they weren't sure if they would see each other there.
And then I go to these meetings and it is clear that I don't belong there.
And then in the meetings, god, I feel so disempowered. Like, what in the fuck? Who came up with the agenda in advance? Why do the same people always facilitate? And lead the trainings? And do tactical (Starhawk, Lisa Fithian, those folks)? Why do almost all of these demos have David Solnit's imprint on them, even if he isn't in the country? If Starahwk were to die tomorrow, would part of the movement die with her? Yes. If I were to die tomorrow, would part of the movement die with me? No. Because I am not important like them. Ok, anyhow, I meant for this to be a rant about how spokescouncils are disempowering, not about the leaders of the movement...
I think there has to be another structure other than spokescouncils...
email me at haydees@gmail.com
Sometimes I wonder if I am a "bad anarchist" or not an anarchist at all. Like, I am on the fringes of the anti-globalization movement, even though I have organized and participated in a lot of demonstrations, several of which I have had to travel to get to. And I still don't have an "affinity group" to run with in the street.
When I got to Seattle, we first had to stop at the convergence space even though it was like midnight on the day after Thanksgiving. I went in there and it was this dark dirty warehouse space filled with puppets and other art shit, and I was like, this is not my space. I hardly spent any time there, didn't go to any trainings, and I think I happened to be there once during a meeting. I didn't even know how to find out about meetings. In fact, I was on a bunch of email lists but somehow I wasn't on the one (if there was one) that involved meeting announcements. Fortunately I was saved because I ran into someone I had organized an anti-glob protest with earlier in the year and he invited me to his cluster's meeting. Gracias a dios, that week in the streets with those freaks was unforgettable in its wonderfulness.
I think I managed to fit in pretty well in Cancun, going to 4+ hour meetings and stuff, except that I couldn't manage to form an affinity group. There was one woman from my town (and from that cluster) who I ran with a few times but she didn't want to go in the black bloc, and I am all about wearing all black in the 100+ degree humid heat. I eventually managed to glom on to this one affinity group, but obviously those people didn't like me, since only one of them (I knew him from years ago) ever bothered to stay remotely in touch with me, and even then, it's been 3 months since he wrote me back, "what city are you in?"
During the Biotech protest in SF this year, almost all of our loose cluster members were conveniently out of town- not important enough to stick around for, I guess. So it was me and T, and you know he was mean to me on my birthday, so I couldn't run with him. He also avoided meetings of the cluster I had thought we would work with, and they turned out to be at best cops, or at worst 20 year-old white anarchist boys with little politics, so I went around in the street by myself. I couldn't make it to most of the big meetings there, anyhow, since I had a "job"to do as part of the mobilization.
But anyhow, is it me, or is it the people I have tactical unity with, that is the reason why I can never find a group to run with? Organizing with my friends is like herding cats sometimes. Even when they left for New York they weren't sure if they would see each other there.
And then I go to these meetings and it is clear that I don't belong there.
And then in the meetings, god, I feel so disempowered. Like, what in the fuck? Who came up with the agenda in advance? Why do the same people always facilitate? And lead the trainings? And do tactical (Starhawk, Lisa Fithian, those folks)? Why do almost all of these demos have David Solnit's imprint on them, even if he isn't in the country? If Starahwk were to die tomorrow, would part of the movement die with her? Yes. If I were to die tomorrow, would part of the movement die with me? No. Because I am not important like them. Ok, anyhow, I meant for this to be a rant about how spokescouncils are disempowering, not about the leaders of the movement...
I think there has to be another structure other than spokescouncils...
email me at haydees@gmail.com
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