Haydee's Blog

Everyone,



The thing that is prompting me to write this is how pissed off I am

getting when I see C micromanage things.  People have pointed out to

me that I am often that way, and...  I really want to apologize to

everyone if I have been perceived as being overbearing or micromanaging

during the time since the split, or even recently.  I think I have been

that way, and I am sorry.  I have been trying to watch those behaviors

during the last couple of months.  I would like to encourage people to

call me on (point out) these things when they notice them, and help me to

figure out how to not do those things.



I remember that when I used to go to SF meetings I would be disgusted by

how N and N would sit there and bicker and waste everyone's time,

and I have noticed that somehow C and I do that at our general

meetings.  It is embarrassing and I don't want to be part of it.  But I

don't know what to do-- for example, should I not work on this website because

he and I don't see things the same way even though our brains seem to work

similarly?



I think it is not just about me and C, or even about me (although I

may be wrong about this, let me know).  It is about our collective, our

organization, and how we can't see eye-to-eye on things if we don't sit

down and figure out what we should see eye-to-eye on, or what "eye-to-eye"

would look like.



My goal is to work collectively with people.  I would like to see us all

work together in some way where we can prioritize things that we are going

to work on/cover, so that people's extra energy, when we have it, can be

put  into a direction that is useful for the collective (in this case I

guess I am referring to the website).  It is hard, of course, in a group

like this, because there are differences in access to and quality of

equipment and time...



We have talked several times in the past about having some kind of retreat

where we can get to know each other and share our thoughts about this

project, and get onto some sort of common ground about it.  We talked

about it at the last meeting (I can't find the notes).  I think that it is

vital to the sustainability of this project that we do this.  I don't

remember who we said was going to work on that, and I have no idea how we

can manage to do anything like this with all of the different things that

we have coming up in August, September, and October (I think we talked

about just doing some sort of agenda planning meeting in August?) but I do

know that I can't go on being this angry and bitter.  And if I feel this

way, it is likely that other people feel the same way.  We certainly can't

bring in new people in a meaningul and lasting way if things are like

this.  It's not ok and we need to do something about it.  What do you

think?



-me