Saturday, February 07, 2004
So here is me story. Last night Z came to pick me up to bring me over to his place- even though we live only like 1.5 miles apart. I have gotten very lazy/tired in the last year and a half, plus it was raining and I had a bag full of groceries to bring for our dinner. We are talking in the car, I guess maybe about how both of us feel so sick (I have been coughing for 2 weeks now). When we get to his house, he comes out with this thing that although I am really (ie, truly) sick now, I am not always sick when I say I don't feel well. To partly take it back, he says that some of it is stress-related, but that really, I am not as sick as I think I am. He talks about how some of it is in my head, without using the word hypochondria (which was what I originally thought he was trying to say) or the word psychosomatic (which he might have meant?).
I coldly asked him to explain more, but he really couldn't say more than the position outlined above. Nice, huh?
Well, guess what? I seem to have a little-understood-by-the-so-called-medical-community health problem or two. Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, for one thing. A cleaning client I had 2 years ago told me that her health issues were the same as mine when she had been my age, 10 years earlier. Great. She has chronic fatigue (aka CFS or CFIDS). I develop another symptom of it every year or two. For example, in the fall of 2002 I had 2 bike accidents, both of which were unexplainable, except that maybe I just lost my balance in a really bad way each time. Some weird neurological thing? Also, in March of 2003 I had this gigantic swollen lymph node in my groin. The county medical people who I see thought it might be a tumor on my colon (nope) or me being pregnant (nope all three times they tested me). The doctor called me a "worried well." Jerk. Swollen lymph nodes are one of the symptoms of chronic fatigue. When I went to Mexico last year, I developed this weird cramping in my legs that is still present most days. What is wrong with my body?
Check out this website for a bit more info about Chronic Fatigue(http://www.cfids.org/about-cfids/symptoms.asp)
I fail their questionnaire because I have been depressed off and on since I was 11. I am not sure if that counts as major depression. The first time I went to a shrink she diagnosed me as bipolar (hello, I am not!). I have also been treated for ADD. So I may not have chronic fatigue because I have those 2 things. Oh, well. Too bad I can't afford to go to a real doctor who doesn't think chronic fatigue and MCS
Well, so now I have one less person in my support system or whatever. I talked to some friends and they agree that he is wrong. I don't need a lover who thinks I am making up not feeling well in my head.
Ok, he is right that I am stressed. I live in a moldy and dusty house with people who use chemicals that I am sensitive to. I have so little in common with these people that it is torture to sit at the dinner table with them, especially when there is no source of protein on the table. (I am a vegan and everyone else eats meat and milk products). I need to move into a new place. I am incapable of saving money. In fact, most months I don't make enough money to meet my expenses. I have to borrow money from Z every month. Most months I didn't manage to pay it back, either. In fact, he bought half of this computer and my camera. So much of what I do every day wouldn't have been possible without his support. Oh, well.
Unfortunately I don't really have time to process this very much, because I am sick and I also have to work a lot right now. Oh, well.
mail me at haydee_santamaria@hotmail.com
I coldly asked him to explain more, but he really couldn't say more than the position outlined above. Nice, huh?
Well, guess what? I seem to have a little-understood-by-the-so-called-medical-community health problem or two. Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, for one thing. A cleaning client I had 2 years ago told me that her health issues were the same as mine when she had been my age, 10 years earlier. Great. She has chronic fatigue (aka CFS or CFIDS). I develop another symptom of it every year or two. For example, in the fall of 2002 I had 2 bike accidents, both of which were unexplainable, except that maybe I just lost my balance in a really bad way each time. Some weird neurological thing? Also, in March of 2003 I had this gigantic swollen lymph node in my groin. The county medical people who I see thought it might be a tumor on my colon (nope) or me being pregnant (nope all three times they tested me). The doctor called me a "worried well." Jerk. Swollen lymph nodes are one of the symptoms of chronic fatigue. When I went to Mexico last year, I developed this weird cramping in my legs that is still present most days. What is wrong with my body?
Check out this website for a bit more info about Chronic Fatigue(http://www.cfids.org/about-cfids/symptoms.asp)
I fail their questionnaire because I have been depressed off and on since I was 11. I am not sure if that counts as major depression. The first time I went to a shrink she diagnosed me as bipolar (hello, I am not!). I have also been treated for ADD. So I may not have chronic fatigue because I have those 2 things. Oh, well. Too bad I can't afford to go to a real doctor who doesn't think chronic fatigue and MCS
Well, so now I have one less person in my support system or whatever. I talked to some friends and they agree that he is wrong. I don't need a lover who thinks I am making up not feeling well in my head.
Ok, he is right that I am stressed. I live in a moldy and dusty house with people who use chemicals that I am sensitive to. I have so little in common with these people that it is torture to sit at the dinner table with them, especially when there is no source of protein on the table. (I am a vegan and everyone else eats meat and milk products). I need to move into a new place. I am incapable of saving money. In fact, most months I don't make enough money to meet my expenses. I have to borrow money from Z every month. Most months I didn't manage to pay it back, either. In fact, he bought half of this computer and my camera. So much of what I do every day wouldn't have been possible without his support. Oh, well.
Unfortunately I don't really have time to process this very much, because I am sick and I also have to work a lot right now. Oh, well.
mail me at haydee_santamaria@hotmail.com
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